Nothing good comes out of waiting for a female to finish
dressing up. I learnt this the hard way. I didn’t have an appropriate school
bag, and I really wanted to take my laptop to school on a fateful Thursday. One
of the girls I was talking to at the time offered to bring me hers. She just
had to bathe first. I decided to wait. After all, I had a few cedis on me and I
was going to pick a taxi to school. Pulling up in school with a pretty female beside
me sounded like Runtown’s ‘Mad Over You’ to my ears. Appealing.
I finished pressing my clothes, took my bath, and proceeded
to open Snapchat to see if Fiifi Yankey had discovered a new way to make us
laugh, and if Thess had found a different way of moving her head from side to
side and mumbling the wrong words to songs. Probably Hawa was cooking something
that looked delicious though she won’t invite me to eat. If there was time, I would
tap on Farcadi’s name and… well, you know what happens when you open Queen Farcadi’s
snaps. Anyway, I did all that in a bid to while away time since I was waiting
for the girl to come along with the bag.
45 minutes passed and I hadn’t heard from her. Then I remembered
she had told me she didn’t have credit. She probably had been chitchatting with
an azonto guy for too many minutes. I called her and she said she had just
finished bathing. 45 minutes, fam! She had ‘just finished bathing’. A quick
glance at the time on my phone (I don’t have a wristwatch) told me it was 9:38
AM. I was already 8 minutes late for my class.
Gender and Development. Ironic that that was the class I had
to be in on that day. I was waiting for a human of female gender who clearly had
not learned to develop with time. I kept waiting for her. 10:00 AM and she
still hadn’t knocked on my door. I was angry. Angry isn’t the word I am looking
for, but It should do for now. I have been in GIJ for four good years. Just this
final semester that I decided to be serious and not miss a single class, Eve’s
descendant was threatening to destroy my plans.
Exasperation set in. if there’s a difference between that and
being angry, then yes. I paced around on my compound waiting. I called. She didn’t
answer. I nearly went mad. Why the fuck are you not answering? Sorry but yeah,
that was how I was feeling at the time. I put 2 and 2 together and I got 22
because I had racked my brains more than I should have. I picked my laptop and
its charger, added my phone charger, my afro comb, and my multi socket. I left
my room and took the route that headed in the direction of her place. Part of
me wanted to give vent to my frustration when I met her. The other part called
for the silent treatment. I always go along with the second opinion.
She was on her way. I must admit, she was looking really
gorgeous. All those minutes spent in the shower and in front of the mirror
stroking her face with brushes, and whatever women did as make up had paid off.
She was dressed to kill. She had killed herself trying to look good in order to
attract a man that would kill for her. I was having none of it though. It was
10:20 AM. Being more than fifty minutes late for a class that I had vowed to
not miss, I wasn’t about to be enthralled by her majesty’s presence. I promptly
took the bag from her and stopped a taxi.
Usually, I pay 5 cedis to get to campus from Oxford Street,
Osu. The driver wouldn’t budge. He wanted 6 cedis. I could have let him go and
stopped another one but I didn’t. Too late, too angry. I hopped in and the lady
scurried in with me. She tried to make conversation, I wore a stern look to
match the silent treatment. No response whatsoever from me. She gave up trying
to get me to talk to her. Soon enough, we got to campus. I got out and rushed
to my class. Lecture Hall D2. At least, that’s what the timetable that I received
via WhatsApp said.
“Go back!” That was the lecturer. I was so confused. It felt
like cold water had been poured on me. I am an extremely shy person so you can
imagine how I felt. All eyes were on me. Red-faced from the embarrassment, I turned
and left the class. That was how I found a cool place to sit and write this –
the only way I really know how to express myself.
Hungry a bit later, I found myself at the cafeteria chewing
salads and fried fish. My class rep, Obed, came in and accused me of being in
school but not attending our lecture. I explained to him that the lecturer
sacked me and if he was there he would have seen it. Later on, two of my
colleagues; Junior, and Man in White, stopped by my table and attacked my
integrity. During the holidays, I had made a promise to the class that I would
not miss any lecture in my final sem. I finished chewing my fish, and calmly
explained what had happened.
That was when it became clear. Man in White had also gone
through my ordeal. Only, his sharp eyes had made him realize the students in
lecture hall D2 were not his colleagues. So the sack didn’t really bear on him
that much. Searching for a needle in a haystack, he finally met someone who
told him our class was happening live in lecture hall B2. And in there, our
Gender and Development lecturer was a very lenient man who allowed latecomers
in without a fuss. I, on the other hand, missed the class.
That was how I knew that nothing good comes out of waiting
for a female to finish dressing up.
Moral of the story: Never wait for a
woman to finish dressing up. Either cancel your plans, or go alone.
