SEMESTER CHRONICLES: What’s Up?

What’s Up?

4^th April, 2016. [I’m supposed to be working on a Sports Journalism assignment.]

For reasons that baffle me, I have been put into another annoying group for the second semester running. But how can you change that when you aren’t always in class? This group gives me more headaches than your grandmother complains of. They always expect something from me. This time, they want me to contribute towards a Sports Journalism assignment and as you might have already guessed correctly, I am using the time, the energy, and the laptop to type my beloved Semester Chronicles.

*

Let’s get it…

This year started off with a party. You probably missed it because you don’t belong in the upper echelon of social life in GIJ. Fixxx up yourself! The owner of the cafeteria, Auntie Ruby, celebrated her birthday in grand style. I was in Little Miami then, hiding from the sun, catching up with TV Shows, drinking Heineken beer, and eating Fufu. It seemed just right to be away from Accra. Accra is all that but sometimes the sun is too much. Sometimes the noise is too much. Sometimes the stress is too much. Think of all the people you have to take to KFC to get food. Okay scratch that. You people are rich kids… but Accra is stressful and you know it. So I wasn’t here. But because I am a distinguished member of the Rub-Dee Mafia, I was invited to the party. So I had to touch down and make my way to the Labadi Beach. I wasn’t alone. I never walk alone. I was with a Liverpool fan in the person of Sly, Chinedu, Holyshes, and the chairman of the Rub-Dee Mafia, Kay. Getting to the beach, we saw that the crème de la crème of students and lecturers were already present at the venue. It was Labadi Beach on a Sunday. All the sexy girls you see on Instagram were at the beach that day. We just blended in quite easily. Soon enough, we were involved in the fun activities and making merry in the celebration of life and another year of it. The banku and tilapia I was served is still fresh in my mouth. I could eat that every day till the day I die. Shouts to Original for hooking us up with those expensive drinks. And to you Mr. Asante, it was nice hanging out with you and not having to worry about assignments, presentations and whatever. Reggie, those shorts you wore were smoking hot, I must say.

 

 i

Don’t worry if you missed it. Better luck next year.

Then school reopened. The semester began. No new faces, just new clothes, new hair, and new attitude. New phone gang, I see y’all too! You the girls at that Asylum Down hostel, who is dashing you iPhones kraa? How come all of you have iPhones now? What’s the secret? Let me in on it. I am tired of using my phone. I won’t tell you the name. I don’t even know the name. Huge shoutout to those other girls that have brand new Infinix phones. I don’t even want to know where you got yours. Yeah, I’m a sucker for iPhones. 

I had a new class rep, Chomsky. No, that’s irrelevant at this point. Let’s talk about love. I love love stories. They do some things to my tummyJ Have you seen Romeo’s girl? Have you seen Nana Aba? Our honorable SRC President is the boss! The girl pap bad. She’s prettaaayy! I know most guys are crushing on her. Don’t ask me if I am one of those guys. These guys can’t wait for Romeo to leave school so they make moves on her. They are keeping tabs on her at this moment. The 500 cedis question is “how did Romeo get this girl?” 500 cedis because that’s the price of GIJ SRC Presidential Nomination forms. Were they together before he contested? Was it after? Who knows? It’s absolutely wonderful if you found love. I want to say congratulations to my friend Alfafa and his girl Tina. Yours is a fairy tale kind of love. You guys complement each other so beautifully. How did you guys meet? Would you mind telling me please? When I grow up, I want to be like you guys. You are the envy of many.

Tina and Alfafa
The next couple that I want to talk about are so dear to my heart. They both have been my friends since first year and it is so heartwarming to see them together. They give credence to the saying that 'nothing is impossible'. Much much love to you Joojo and Hawa. What can I say? You guys have been seen in discreet places since your level 100 days but it's so cool to finally have to see you together in broad daylight.

Hawa and Joojo. Believe me, I know you would like to see Hawa's full body but I didn't get it... or wait

there you have it ;)

Another one. Joojo is blesssssed, ain't he?

Shouts to you if you have found love. Hold your dear one close and be great together. Share this link with your partner after reading. Thank you.

It hasn’t been all rosy. Some of you have had your hearts broken. A minute silence has been observed for you guys. Yes please, I took time out to text my crush. I know a lot of couples that had to end their relationships for one reason or the other. I really wish I could name names but alas… every man has a price, and I have been well compensated to keep my mouth shut. I can tell you some of the reasons why breakups occurred though. Some girls just got tired of walking from headquarters to campus with their boyfriends. They want to sit in cars and pose for Snapchat stories with seatbelts dividing their breasts. 

seatbelt on fleek

Accept it. That’s the new cool. Do you have a car? Has your girl left you? Please buy a car and go back for your girl. She probably still loves you but onua, wo nni car. 
Some boys also left their girls because the sezz had already happened and they were looking forward to meeting other girls. Some just want to smash and pass. Their mantra was, ‘there are many fish in the sea. Who wants to chew Salmon all his life?’

There were nice breakups also. There were couples that just accepted that dating and sex wasn’t doing them any good and decided to be friends instead. Those guys are the real MVPs. I doff my hat to you guys. It takes matured minds to come to such an agreement. The word ‘compromise’ does not even come close.

And there were those that broke up because the other was cheating. Cheating is actually the number one cause of breakups in this world actually. Well, according to George [Radio GIJ], that is. So some guys were caught cheating. I’m talking red-handed steeze, doing the sezz and panting, and sweating profusely. Others were also caught by way of WhatsApp messages. I am one of the few that are advocating for the ban of WhatsApp Messenger. Sometimes people tend to forget to delete their messages and end up having to explain why they texted their exes or why they told another girl she’s pretty and blah blah. WhatsApp has caused more breakups than all the wars ever recorded in the History books.

I am getting tired of this topic. For all you know, someone might even be planning to break up with me. Ei. Do I even have someone in my life?

I’m going to have lunch now. I’ll be back soon.

Kobby is here to continue this:

[Written by Kobby Elikem, 200 E]

The highlight of the semester was perhaps the final event of the Brand GIJ campaign undertaken by the level 200’s. Say what you want but what could come, came (in whatever way you understand, the point still is clear). iComm GH came first with Bee Prime Media Consult coming in second. The guys at Blue Bell Comms were fuming at their coming in third but such is life - you win or you just weren’t good enough. From bottom up, our Switch Media people were first (congrats to them for a job well done) and surprisingly, the W)y3 maamli guys – Comm finesse GH came in second.

It is said that a student cannot be better than his master. Bigups to Mr. Kenneth Awuku. Your head is bald for a good reason. And to everyone who was pissed or had a different opinion from the judges, remember opinions are like noses, everybody has one and sadly, yours didn’t count. And to those who were surprised at the turn of events, it’s obvious, Jesus is still in the Miracle business.

Hello, it’s me

I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet to go ov… Adele almost had me in my feelings there. -sigh

Fiifi Khoruz here again.

Written on 5^th April, 2016. [Day of SRC Vetting]

Now, let us look at this semester through the political lens. The drama began way back during the holidays. After swallowing huge balls of banku, and sweating from the harsh taste of pepper, some students decided to state their intentions to run for various SRC positions. I am not saying they didn’t think it through before stating those intentions but let’s face it- what kind of sensible idea can you come up with after eating like that? And there were those who were convinced by their friends to declare intentions to run for office due to some peculiar reasons like, “you are eloquent, the SRC General Secretary contest should be a walk in the park for you,” and, “you dress really well, why don’t you run for SRC President?”. So throughout the holidays, these guys invaded our homes, our privacy, and our phones. Even while you were in the shower scrubbing your armpits, your phone would beep with a message from asomasi saying he has made up his mind to contest in the Organizing Secretary slot of the SRC because of his selfless nature and his dedication, hard work and the love of humanity. Your phone gallery is probably filled with images also. I always shed a tear for the guys that don’t use phones with the standard 16GB memory.

School reopened and the intensity with which these guys orchestrated their publicity stunts increased. They overtook our space and all. Banners were hoisted here and there. The air that we breathed either contained words or images that served as reminders that Mensah or Akosua was standing for an SRC position. The pitch was set perfectly and these guys were playing at a higher level now. It was pretty obvious that you either had to stake big or drop out of the race.

Some guys stepped down even before nomination forms were out. Level 300 PR-A kingpin David Acheampong, stepped down even before the race line was drawn. He cited personal issues that could not be disclosed as the reason for backing out of the race. This was someone who had hoisted what was probably the largest banner on campus.

Everyone was mad at him. He was mad at himself. For the reasons why he stepped down, students began to conjecture. Some said he had been well compensated by unseen forces that preferred another candidate for the position of General Secretary. They said that every man has a price, and that Dave had been paid off. Others had their own stories but believe me, I don’t want to go into it.

There are some other students that stated intentions but decided to not pursue the agenda anymore. Gertima is one of them.

Gertima

This fine fat man always seen in Ray Ban glasses sent out a message or two declaring his intentions to run for Financial Secretary. Can you believe that when the nomination forms were released, he was far away in Odumase-Krobo playing FIFA and drinking large bottles of coke? One cannot say if the price of the forms scared him or he just wasn’t serious from the beginning. He actually looks like a joke.

Let me hand over the baton to the Political Elephant to continue with this topic…

[Written by Kweku Eshun, 300 Journalism A]

21^st May, 2016.

Are you aware Branding plays an important role in Politics? Last semester, they started testing the waters and some also had to consult the Oracles to gain their blessing before taking the bold step to contest for any portfolio on Campus. Those who had Political ambitions started to re-brand themselves to look good in the sight of the student populace.

Four strong men were vying for the highest office of the land until one met his waterloo. In fact let me borrow Sir Johns phrase: he was humbled by the baptism of fire he received from the Electoral Commission. Elections held in GIJ always come with a shock but this year’s election is one that will still continue to linger on in the minds of students. Some defeated aspirants are still nursing their injury and doing a post mortem of their loss :’( Personally, I thought it was a cool chop for some aspirants. Opinion Polls even put them ahead of their fellow competitors. Let me just veer of the road and quote my favorite scripture in the Holy Bible, Ecclesiastes 9:11b “ The race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong, neither bread to the wise nor riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill but time and change happens to them all.

‘Your mind for dey’, ‘SMART minds’ and other popular jargons that have dominated over the years were not heard. This time around, the jargons were personalized by the aspirants themselves. Jonah Eledi had people screaming ‘One like the people’ all through the election process. Madugu and his followers assured us of ‘an SRC to believe in.’ Ibs Rockson played around with words and came up with ‘Ibs Rocks!’

Days to the elections, the atmosphere was diffused with an online channel known as GIJ LEAKS which candidates used as a weapon to malign each other. The front runners for the Presidency also used the weapons in their arsenal to propel and shoot themselves to glory.

Different people from all walks of life were here on Saturday (for the weekend school) and Tuesday (for the regular school) to garner votes for their candidates. These people included past SRC executives, and National Political figures. Don’t forget this year is an election year so they all have interests in campus election.

Do you believe money rules the world? I can say without fear of contradiction that some of the aspirants and their team members shared 20 and 50 cedis notes to voters in a bit to gain their votes. Those that took the monies, how do you guys feel now? Some dey? I broke oo.

After all was said and done, “an army rose for God and country”. Madugu of Level 300 Journalism C, easily won the Presidential race. It is very interesting to note that out of the 6 available SRC Executive slot, level 300 Journalism C actually had/has 4 winners. Madugu as SRC President, Susu as WoCom, Junior as Organa papapaa, and the Man In White as External Affairs Commissioner. Kudos to the level 300 Journalism C students. What you have done is a truly remarkable feat.

New SRC Executives [Level 300 Journalism C]

I can’t wait for next semester’s General Assembly. Will the opposition leader be at GA to scrutinize every transaction that goes on?

*Over to Fiifi Khoruz... cheers!

What’s up y’all? I’m back again. Haven’t you had enough of me?

Should we talk about the SRC week celebration? I’m really not interested. I would rather talk about the Hall Week celebrations. No disrespect to the SRC but hey, do you want me to talk about the long Spoken Word about Kwame Nkrumah that the President did? Or you want me to talk about the artiste Mohammed’s performance? You probably want to hear about the fashion and modelling show. Shouts to Bongo [Nathaniel, 100E] for taking part 
in the runway event.

Bongo

I would like to talk about the twerking that those level 200 girls attempted on stage. ‘Attempted’ because I so wasn’t impressed. I mean, don’t they have Instagram accounts? The African American girls are slaying it on there!

Man, I’m so appalled I don’t even want to talk about the Hall Week celebrations anymore. Let me just get Kobby Elikem and plead with him to write about those. Maybe later.

7^th April, 2016.

Thursday. I have just one lecture and it is at 4pm. But as usual I am in school at a little after 12 because I can’t afford to miss the sumptuous fufu served at the cafeteria [on Tuesdays and Thursdays]. I can’t say that I forgot today is the ‘Rep Your School’ thingy. I had it in mind from the day they announced it. I just didn’t think it will be lit enough. But believe me you, when I got to campus that day, the atmosphere there was hotter than hell fire. Place was lit. Man, you gotta give it up to those that went to second and third tier high schools. They put on a show that would be remembered by the guys that think they attended better schools. They wore anything that represented their former school. Some put on their school cloth. Others made sure the crest on their flying ties was showing. The vests showed the chests and arms of the guys, and brought out the beauty of cleavages among the females. Don’t you think for a second that I went to, pardon my French, a wack school that’s why I’m sympathizing with them. I went to St. Peter’s Senior High School so you decide where I belong. Anyways, salute to the organizers of the event. Shouts to those that repped their schools. Massive love to the girls that wore stuff signifying boys’ school. I saw a couple of girls that wore St. Peter’s flying tie. I saw the Pojoss ones too. Mad love to you girls. 7 gunshot salute to those that made the jamma session a success. All of you guys have a special place in Heaven. I promise to do whatever I can to be a part of this next year.

Adisco was in the bulding

Academy and Adisco

K'si boys were also in the building (Prempeh and Osei Tutu Boys)

Holico, I see you guys. Who's with you?

Kobby Elikem (Presec), Amber Rose (Porters), and ?? Adult Education??

21^st May.
I have just finished writing my last paper. This sem's exams have been tough, no lie. First, all lecture halls were locked and students could not use them to study for the exam. Benches and Canopies were provided but some people need desks to study. The library was always full- more so when the level 200s had to write History of Africa. So studying was a bit difficult on campus but most of you are so survivors.

a section of students studying for exams

killers no see the exam top or what?

some guys see top?

The semester has ended and everyone is gone home. Almost everyone, I beg your pardon. Some of the guys stayed behind to settle scores in their beloved FIFA. So here I am, seated among them but not playing. If I played, who would write Semester Chronicles for you guys to read. I am just here, glasses on, and shirt off, darting my eyes around and applying finishing touches to this piece.

Unfortunately, I am so sure I have left several newsworthy items out. I know most of you would like to know about the Face of GIJ event. i would like to tell you about it too but I would be spoiling you. Next time buy tickets and witness the program live. Much love to Emefa for being crowned the Face of GIJ 2016.

Emefa, Face of GIJ 2016.

Another reason why you are not reading about Face of GIJ here is my blatant refusal to add it- mainly because of the incident that happened at the O2 Lounge, Osu. This was the venue for the After Party. I was there. And believe it or not, we were asked to pay before entering the club. Where does that happen? So most people were left standing outside. Either they didn't have money or they felt it was silly to pay to enter. So yeah, for the first time in the three years that I have been in this school, an After Party of the prestigious Face of GIJ flopped! I can only blame the Women's Commission for deceiving us. They made us believe that there was no gate fee to enter the club. Oh and did I mention that when people shrugged the yawa off and decided to pay, they got bounced because the club was full? Yup.


Anyways anyways, I can't bring you much. I am human and prone to forgetfulness. Moreover, I am tired, my sponsors didn’t pay me this time so… you bab? Shouts to Keteke. I know you guys would like to have your trip to Nyameani and Piase written about but no. Maybe next year.
Poetic License is in full effect here.

See you next semester.
Fin.

Design and Pictures:
* Paapa Sly, Level 300 PR.

Sly's Twitter

Writers:

* Kweku Eshun (Kay), Level 300 Journalism

Kay's Twitter

*  Kobby Elikem, Level 200

Kobby's Twitter

* Fiifi Khoruz, Level 300 Journalism

My Twitter



PS: I felt too lazy to read over everything so please correct whatever mistake you see. You can't edit it? Then please ignore the mistakes. Thank you for reading.